The 5 B's of Teaching Social Skills

1. Be Sensitive: Walk a Mile in Your Child's Social Shoes

For almost everyone, social behaviors are so ingrained we do them automatically. For instance, when we see another person walking towards us on the sidewalk we make eye contact, smile, and say "hello". If the person on the sidewalk is a friend we will probably stop and chat with them. We can read our friend's verbal and non-verbal cues to figure out when to start and end the conversation. For individuals with high-functioning autism, social behaviors like these do not come naturally. Being aware of your child's perspective — and patiently helping them learn appropriate social behaviors — is a fundamental step in their success.

2. Be Smart

This step seems simple and obvious but it is very significant. First, become an expert on high-functioning autism by learning all you can about it, but don't stop there. One thing you can do is enroll in a social-skills course that provides a parent module. The more education you have the more capable you will be at promoting your child's social skills in real-life situations.

3. Be Careful with Your Words

Choose your words carefully when communicating with your child. If you label a certain behavior as “wrong” you may trigger your child, who always wants to do the “right” thing. In Michelle Garcia Winner's Social Thinking® system, she suggests describing behaviors as “expected” and “unexpected” rather than "right" or "wrong". For instance, let's say your child's classroom teacher runs into you and your child while shopping at the grocery store. The teacher is trying to have a conversation with your child but he keeps wandering off or looking away. At this moment you have the opportunity to teach your child that when someone talks to them the other person expects attention in return. Tell your child exactly what attention looks like. For example, Attention = Positioning the front of your body towards the speaker. Looking at the speaker's face and/ or eyes when they are speaking to you. Listening to the speaker until they are done talking.

4. Be a Coach: Teach, Practice, Praise!

The things your child learns in a therapy session or their school classroom will only make a huge difference if you reinforce these behaviors at home. You can teach your child social skills by following this three-step approach: Watching, practice, and self-evaluation. Your support will be most beneficial during steps two and three of the learning process. Assist your child as needed when they communicate with other people. Praise them whenever they correctly identify expected or unexpected behavior in themselves.

5. Be Positive but Realistic

At the time of this writing, there is no known cure for autism. But there are treatments that can greatly improve your child's life. Teaching your child social skills is a wonderful place to start for giving them the most productive life possible. Remember, you are not alone. Many skilled therapists and special education teachers can assist you in your efforts. It's okay to shop around until you find the therapist and school that fits your child best. Take your time.

The most important thing is seeing your child learn and progress. I promise if you look for and track progress you will see it. You will be amazed at how many social skills your child can learn with your support. You will feel rewarded each time your child has a meaningful conversation or befriends someone new.

Sources: Frazier, II, Ph.D., T. (2013).5 Ways to Help A Child With Autism Learn Social Skills. Health Essentials from Cleveland Clinic. Retrieved 4 July 2020, from https://health.clevelandclinic.org/5-ways-to-help-a-child-with-autism-learn-social-skills/.

Colleen Muhvic, MEd, NCSP, BCBA, of Cleveland Clinic’s Center for Autism contributed to this article.